i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We are two peas in an std pod
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
