these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
