Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
