I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
