Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
