"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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