What did we do last night that was yellow?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
