By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
