You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
