Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize