I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
