hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
