she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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