i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize