just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
