You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
