sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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