turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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