I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
