you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
