OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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