didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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