Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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