I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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