she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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