What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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