There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
