he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
