I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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