i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
