im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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