It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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