yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
