her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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