I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize