you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
