So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
