it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
