Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
