I have demons in me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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