guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Never joke about your clitoris.
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