Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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