help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
