im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
