i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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