A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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