Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
