If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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