You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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