I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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