Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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