On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I faked an abortion last night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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