sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
