Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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