then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
