We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
