I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
