omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize