You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
