I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
