my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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