ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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