So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
